"Unless we loose ourselves there's no hope of finding ourselves." Henry Miller

the cock crows waking meshortly before dawn the sky brightening out of my window as conscious comes to me I'm able to see again why I came this way I came to the jungle and to the river it wasn't so much to see Macchu Pichu or even to climb mountains though perhaps best part of my trip so far it wasn't to keep a blog incessantly downloading everything I just experienced.

 I turn my phone off last night to get away from the same noise and confusion that came through as ever before a friend of mine saying hurtful and hateful things blaming me for things I have or have not done that were or were not as significant she says. another friend is lost in the drama of her life.

the sky in front of me is filled with condors or big Hawks or were they bats large black bats that are flying from the Rising Sun like a herd of black antelope in the sky they fly like bats not with the slow calm strokes of birds sharp quick sharp flutters of bats.

 I haven't been so present since I have been here I wasn't present before I left.

last night I watched  Werner Herzog's film Fitzcarlado. I think I know what is the troubling me the past few days I think I was constantly pulled from being present cobstantly pulled into being somewhere besides where I am and when I spend time with people who are like that it makes me very uncentered and unhappy.  dawn has come in I am sitting at a desk by the window watching bats over the city i hear the sounds of the city. I hear the chirp of insects  I hear the crow of a cock I smell the diesel air I see red flowers still more red than the red brick red a clay tile roof I see the blue sky and the white clouds I hear the whine of some alarm somewhere and yellow flowers and white flowers mahogany floors blue walls I slept with the windows wide open screens covering them I took my malaria medicine again last night my dreams were vivid but I do not recall them I seem to have awakened in a rather odd and beautiful world there seems to be a rather large tree house on the other side of the pool surrounded by a flowering trees and huts and very few people today I will go into iquitos I need to find a post office to see if I can send some stuff back home I need to find some tinactint in case I have fungal infections I need to explore the city find some maps off a iquitos and if possible the Amazon I think in a day or two I will catch a boat 2 a pkace called pevas very few people this is a small town on the Amazon RiverI'm fairly confident that once there I will not have access to telephones or computers or most of the things of the world maybe then I can find somewhere I can  be present.

Though from what I see so far I really like Iquitos.